I heard a distinct beat outside my door… then a tuneless (besura) voice went “Aoooooo… Yeah, don’t stop till you get enough… no no I’ve had enough. Yeahhhh, Aooooo, yeah, you’re bad, I’m bad, doesn’t matter if you’re black or white.. .aoooo, thriller yeah thriller!”
I opened the door, there stood a Michael Jackson lookalike — the spindly man held a pose, he had a hat on, tinsel on his jacket and a white glove on his left hand. He kept spinning on the spot, almost falling over each time, “Don’t stop till we’ve had enough”, the spindly man kept singing, breathlessly.
The man then tried a Moonwalk and promptly fell over.
“Can I help you… uhm Michael?” I enquired hesitantly.
The man got up off the floor and said indignantly — “Arre wot men, boss it’s me Dikuna men, Lobo Lobo.”
“Ohk I said, why are you dressed up like the greatest showmen of our times?”
“Arrey men, Dikuna men, I just saw dat movie, Michael, I went to dat our side PVR Virar, and I sat in de same audi and saw de movie, on repeat one show after de udder, six times, you know like how Mumbai Indians dress in MI outfit for matches at Wonky-ede, I put on MJ clodes.”
“You enjoyed the movie that much?” I asked.
“Off cuss, but also I seed it wid different different peepuls — first I saw wid my dat gang, my carrom group on our side, BCCI, Boys Carrom Club of India. Den, I had to take members of de family, my cuzzins Lester, Lassie, Lamington and Lancelot – then I accompanied my dance class.”
“You attend a dance class?”
“Not attend, we teach and conduct, dat our side Virar-Bhayendhar-Mira Road-Bhandup, I teach all all different type of dance steps, samba, rumba, quick step, ballroom, salsa, tango, fandango, breakdance, Bollywood style and also Tauba Tauba and we teach Michael Jackson’s special Moonwalk.”
“Lobo Lobo you teach the Moonwalk, that most complex of MJs steps — like walking on air, I just saw you fall over, what kind of teacher are you?”
“Arrey men, I tripped, anybody can trip, dat blinking road repair outside your house, wot I’ll to do. Anyway your interrupting my tought flow. Den I had to take my mom-in-law, to see de fillum. She’s toh crazy about Michael, you remember when he came to town na, in de 90s at Andheri Sports Complex, she tolded me. ‘Hey duffer Teo, I want to see dat Mikey dance’. And so I bleddy had to take her men, den all dese years later, she was so besotted, she just had a hip replacement, still she wanted to get up and dance when he sang dat, ‘Beat it, just beat’. His singing is an inspiration to me, reminded me of my yout, how much I danced to dat bugger’s music, in dat Sea Rock disco, de Cellars, and H20, Razz Rhino. Boss Dikuna, I was a MJ fan men, arrey damn bald ragged dat peepuls are critcising him and de movie, accusing him of all all tings… see men, why can’t peepuls just enjoy wots in front of dem, my own mom-in-law, one witch she is, but onie time she’s happy is when she’s hearing him, when I was hearing dat song, ‘Don’t stop till you get enough, I wrote my own lyrics to de song and dedicated to de BMC, song is called —
PLEASE STOP I’VE HAD ENOUGH NOW BEAT IT YOUR’E BAD
“Hey BMC man… oh yeah… hey Bulldozer man
Yeah… yeah…
Pavements, oh yeah pavements
Where I used to walk (oh pavements)
Pleeez stop, oh please stop we’ve had enough
No more digging, (no more digging)
We’ve had enough
Please stop with the bustop, please stop we’ve had enough
We’ve no roads, no streets
Puh-leeez stop we’ve had enough
Stop coming around here, men
So beat it, just beat it
You better run, you better do what you can
Don’t wanna see no blood,
You wanna be tough, better do what you can
So beat it, but you wanna be bad
Just beat it (beat it), beat it (beat it)
Just beat it (beat it), just beat it (beat it)
Just stop we’ve had enough
You’re BAD.
Just stop, we’ve had enough, now beat it… you’re bad.
Rahul daCunha is an adman, theatre director/playwright, filmmaker and traveller. Reach him at rahul.dacunha@mid-day.com